Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Interpreting a Malady

     Some denizens of this Information Age have developed an unnamed infirmity of the mind, a benign but supremely annoying condition that sometimes turns their compatriots homicidal. The sufferers are blissfully unaware of their condition and continue to inflict a cruel and unusual torture upon hapless friends, members of their family, colleagues, acquaintances and any living being in their digital vicinity. The effects of this ailment have been amplified by the ready availability of phones and internet. The sufferers exhibit a paradoxical nature of being extremely sensitive to any negativity directed towards them yet completely oblivious to the discomfort to others caused by their own thoughtlessness

    . The first stage is a sudden bout of quasi-enlightenment  leading to a paroxysm of verbosity that is spewed artlessly as a Facebook status or text. This enthusiastically shared word vomit is usually a platitude or something so moronically simplistic that it makes any sane reader visibly cringe. This status is immediately liked by a coterie of people who I have to assume are either really good friends, fellow sufferers who can empathize, opportunistic sycophants or the mentally defective.This often syntactically unsound rendering of a pseudo-epiphany ( or verbal diarrhea, if you want to be mean ) is then attacked by a second wave of people, comprising the Grammar Nazis, the pretend intellectuals, the contrarian horde and the frankly bored and idle.

      In the third stage this verbal volley of the inarticulate and the asinine descends to the gutter. People get riled up and start hurling expletives at each other written in SHOUTY CAPITALS. After expending an inordinate and frankly ridiculous amount of time and energy, all the brain dead parties call it quits. If the sufferer has a shred of intelligence, retrospection usually brings a sense of clarity and a feeling of mortification . A total cure usually follows. If there is no sign of intelligence in their dead eyes and their skull is as hollow as a politician's promise, this cycle is endlessly repeated.

     There are options available to those who do not wish to get wounded by the ricocheting verbal shrapnel. The first is to defriend the offender. The second is to ignore them though it can be well nigh impossible to be a fiddling Nero when there is an ongoing rape of the English Language. Also lying in wait for the next bout of this nonsensical deluge to drench you can be excruciating and potentially hazardous to mental health. Apprising the affected of his effect on you can lead to the loss of a friend and is an exercise in futility . Of course you could always delete your Facebook account. But you 're not gonna...

      Because making fun of these ludicrous "pearls of wisdom" is endlessly entertaining and is a sure fire way to build your self esteem. So we wait for the next outburst gleefully with the macabre enthusiasm of one who enjoys a train wreck.

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